Lost Dream

As I was practicing with love and passion, my father checked if I did good.
I felt his eye's watching my hands as I was playing the harp. I always loved to play that beautiful 37 string wooden instrument.
Even though I was a teenager and most of my friends were busy partying,  not one day went by without me touching the strings of my harp and making beautiful music with it. I dreamed of becoming a popular harpist and giving people the joy of music. 
As my father was watching me, he also helped me whenever I needed help with this instrument.  
My father was so proud, he often told me how proud he was. As he was a musician and the whole family lived from and with his music.
Everybody was into music in this big house we lived in. 

One day my father came to me and said. I have this good idea, let's play together on stage? 
Me , only 14 years old, answered, 'No papa, I am too shy , I don't want to do this.'
I knew when my father had a concert, a lot of people are going to be there. Often I helped backstage with cleaning or giving people tickets for the drinks. So I perfectly knew that I am whey too shy to do that. My father was visible disappointed by my short answer and left the room. 
The next day he came to me. He said, daughter, you really need to play a song together with your papa on stage. People are going to love it, if we perform together.
It is true, we rehearsed a view songs together and I thought it was a good match too. His guitar and beautiful singing voice together with my playing on the harp was a perfect combination. But still , I was too shy.
As a child I was so shy I could not even answer a question in class. 
If I had to read, out loud in class, my hands and voice were shaking and my cheeks got all red like a tomato. I always felt so uncomfortable when I got any or a little bit attention. (Thank God, I am not like that anymore.)
Therefore I answered once again with 'no papa, I am not going to do that.'
My father tried one last time. He said, if you do that for me I will give you 1000 Bfr. (Belgian money before the euro) Wow, I could buy a new pants from wrangler with that money. The money made me thinking longer, but  once again I said no. I said it so strong, so he won't bother me again. No papa , I will not do that , no , no and no.
My father’s eyes got big and darker and he got angry with me. 
Of course I disappointed him deeply and he said, I am going to punish you. You are not allowed to play the harp anymore for 3 days. 
I cried and went to my room. The harp was the one and only joyful thing I had in my life. How could he take that away from me? I was so angry with my father.
So I didn't play harp ...
After 2 days my father came to me and said, ok daughter, you can play again.
I looked up and said okay, but I didn't.
I was so stubborn, I refused to play the harp again.
My father came to me, come on, play again, you are so  talented on the harp.
Don't waste your talent away by being stubborn! He told me.
He asked me to play again. My punishment was over, he was not angry anymore. 
Nope... I did not wanted to.
Man , what the hell got in to me, I am  wondering now? 

Days gone by, I did not play
Weeks gone by, I did not play
Months gone by , I did not play
My mother tried , my father tried, I did not play

I overhear my mother talking about selling the harp
I did not play

Years gone by, I did not play
I got married and had kids, I forgot all about the harp and my dreams. 

Few years later, my mother and father got divorced. After the divorce my father decided to live in Greece. 
I missed him. He visited once a year.
When he came to visit, he always said, Oh I regret so much you never played harp again. You were so talented when you were young, a lost talent now.
When he said it, he had tears in his eyes. And to show me how serious it was for him, he touched his chest, his heart and said. Ai ai ai My heart hurts for that...
It made me sad when I heared his words. But my live was busy enough. 

My father died a vew years later. He was 60 years old. It was the darkest day of my live.
But still I never played the harp again.
After my father’s death I received a strange package.
I was so curious what is going to be in this package? It came from my uncle.
So surprised I was to see that it was a DVD. 
I pushed it into my dvd player and watched.
After watching for a few seconds tears fell on my cheeks.
Oh my , I was so amazed to see this video.
It was a video of me , as a young girl,  and my papa playing. Me playing the harp, he singing and playing the guitar. Oh how much I miss my papa. I was so touched by this video.
Touched because I saw my father , so proud while we were making music together.
Touched because I forgot how good I was with playing harp.
Only by seeing this video I understood better the reason my father had to push me.

The video make me cry because I miss my father and I miss my harp :(

So I started saving, and one year later I bought myself a harp.
When I was playing the instrument again after 20 years, I was so astonished.
How could I forget how much joy this instrument gave me?
How could I forget how much fun it is to play music?

'Music is not only to HEAR it
but also to FEEL it'

In loving memory of my father, who only wanted the best for me, even though I could not see it  at the time.

by MelissaConsuelo